This is the most genuine and impassioned philosophical discussions I've ever witnessed

Y’know, Nietzsche once asked the question, “is water wet?” or, to quote the original German, "iced wessar nass?" Undoubtedly, this is a complex question with layers of nuance, because it really depends on how you define water. For example, if you have a moose in the hoose and that moose falls into a fountain, it's wet beyond the very shadow of a doubt because it's covered in cum, I mean water, a liquid.
apologies. I'm just thinking of the sorey state of that moose.
But can water itself be covered in a liquid? Well, that all depends on what water is. If water refers to the whole, it can't get wet, or, at least, isn't wet by default. There are exceptions, like when there's an oil spill or when someone, y'know, cums in the pool as they do. Alternatively, if you define water as the collective, it isn't wet because it's not covered in anything but solids and gasses, like air, concrete, dirt, wood, bawdies, etc.
I can so vividly recall the day I drank a bottle of water and almost drowned myself. Over and over again, my wife said, "Jordan, calm down, it's just hiccups." Silly woman... what is a hiccup but a hick-cough, or a cough from a hick, and what is a cough but a voluntary immune response. "I think nawt," I responded. "I'm experiencing involuntary chest convulsions due to water in my lungs. " This loosy health system has gone to hell in a handbasket since Trudeau took over, so I was continuously drowning until they put me in a coma in Russia.
Back to the definition of water, what this shows is that if we give into the cultural Marxists and leave everything up to subjective perception rather than objective observation, we're doomed to see the collapse of the arthropod order which the lobsters have built for us.
The commentators are gonna have a field day with this one.